Sometimes I think God delights in the ironic.
I couldn't help but think this today was we paced back and forth at the hospital, holding hands and waiting once again to see another doctor. It had been a long day, beginning with the loud screams of the little boy who did NOT want to go anywhere with me.
I wonder if i am in there, deep in the back of his mind. I fell in love with this little boy when he was 9 months old, sleeping in my arms on the way to his new home at Gentle Hands. I have carried him in my heart ever since.
My mind kept wandering back to that day as I watched him, his eyes filling with tears when confronted by new situations and new environments. Oh, my sweet boy, I understand those tears. I understand that fear.
Fear has been my constant companion these past 22 years. We are close friends. Clowns, darkness, new situations, moments when I need to express myself, certain animals, and even certain people.... and my dear friend fear comes back with a cold, cold hug.
But, by the grace of God, fear is slipping away. Because I am learning that His perfect love casts away fear. I am learning to dwell on his promises, to fight the lies of fear with His truth.
Recently, I found myself in a terrifying situation... one that left me very shaken. Had I dwelt on my fear, I would have fallen apart. But I couldn't. Instead, I opened my Bible to Psalms 1 and began to read, listing promises of God and facts about his character. As I did that, my mind began to fill with truth, and the fear had no place to stay.
Fight fear with truth.
I say that God is ironic because the girl who is terrified of everything is now teaching the little boy to overcome his fears. I held him in my arms, singing the words of Jesus and praying over him, memorizing his perfect features once again.
For this dear little one, there will be many more days where fear will appear. Tomorrow, we have tests. Soon, surgery. And one day, this little boy will be released from my arms and what is familiar into the arms of a new family.
But until then, we will fight our fears together, hand in hand, with the help of a very big God.
I couldn't help but think this today was we paced back and forth at the hospital, holding hands and waiting once again to see another doctor. It had been a long day, beginning with the loud screams of the little boy who did NOT want to go anywhere with me.
I wonder if i am in there, deep in the back of his mind. I fell in love with this little boy when he was 9 months old, sleeping in my arms on the way to his new home at Gentle Hands. I have carried him in my heart ever since.
My mind kept wandering back to that day as I watched him, his eyes filling with tears when confronted by new situations and new environments. Oh, my sweet boy, I understand those tears. I understand that fear.
Fear has been my constant companion these past 22 years. We are close friends. Clowns, darkness, new situations, moments when I need to express myself, certain animals, and even certain people.... and my dear friend fear comes back with a cold, cold hug.
But, by the grace of God, fear is slipping away. Because I am learning that His perfect love casts away fear. I am learning to dwell on his promises, to fight the lies of fear with His truth.
Recently, I found myself in a terrifying situation... one that left me very shaken. Had I dwelt on my fear, I would have fallen apart. But I couldn't. Instead, I opened my Bible to Psalms 1 and began to read, listing promises of God and facts about his character. As I did that, my mind began to fill with truth, and the fear had no place to stay.
Fight fear with truth.
I say that God is ironic because the girl who is terrified of everything is now teaching the little boy to overcome his fears. I held him in my arms, singing the words of Jesus and praying over him, memorizing his perfect features once again.
For this dear little one, there will be many more days where fear will appear. Tomorrow, we have tests. Soon, surgery. And one day, this little boy will be released from my arms and what is familiar into the arms of a new family.
But until then, we will fight our fears together, hand in hand, with the help of a very big God.
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