Thursday, May 2, 2013

Mirror People

     Maybe I should start calling them "Mirrors", these people God brings in to my life who seem to perfectly reflect what is inside of me.
     I see it in her eyes, the way they look down when she tells me her story, in the tears she spills as she recounts the pain. She doesn't want to die. But life has been so cruel and she is so broken. She grips my hand as we pray together, and she thanks me for being there, but really, what do I have to offer?

      Fear. Dear God, I know that feeling so well. I know him by name, and it doesn't matter how he manifests himself, he is always close by, ready to pounce, to destroy.

      I see it in her eyes.

      And I see anger, too.

      I've never really thought of myself as an angry person, but in the past few months, this has been my fall back emotion. All it takes is just one spark and I am engaging in this passionate inner dialogue where I curse the world and everything in it. If I am not careful, the anger will consume me.

      And I see what it has done to her. Illness has a way of destroying beauty, but the heart has a way of ruining whatever is left. And when you are cloaked in fear and anger, it is only a matter of time before the outside begins to show the wear and tear.

      But it's a wearing that doesn't have to happen.

      Yes, life is hard and things I will never understand happen. I wish I had answers, but every time another abused and broken little one shows up on the doorstep, I continue to ask "Why?"

       Why was she abused for five years?

       Why didn't anyone want her?

       Why is a six year old's body covered in scars?

       Why did their mother die?

       "I don't understand, and I always ask God why me....."

        I don't know.

        What I do know is that I have a choice... I can allow every hard circumstance, every instance of pain to destroy me and steal my joy, or I can say to whatever is in front of me, "Hallelujah".

         There is a reason why it is called the Sacrifice of Praise... because it means that I have to let go... of my pride, my fear, my demand for answers and reason, and I have to let go and simply love Him.

          May I always choose to praise, my Love. May I always choose praise.