Thursday, March 22, 2012

Beautiful Things

     I watch them... the joy on their faces, the wonder and marvel at new discovery.

     There is something so beautiful about watching a little girl as she discovers her world... when every flower becomes a garden, every move should be skipped or danced, when music is felt and not just heard.

     There is a beauty that is unveiled... when everything is safe, when she is delighted in, when there are arms for her to fall into for the sheer joy of being held, and then she can run away.

      There is a grace in their movements, a simple trust in their worship.

      And I am amazed... amazed that their little hearts would find me worthy of their hugs and kisses, their "I love you", and their hands.

      I am amazed that even after I am hard on them in ballet class, they still end with hugs and kisses.

     I want that... the innocence that somehow is not destroyed by a cruel world, a beautiful trust, a heart that offers whatever I can, and a spirit that can play safely under his gaze.

     I want to look at the world around me as though it is the first time.

     I want the freedom to laugh and rejoice just because life is beautiful.

     True, there is damage there.

     True, they are broken.

     But aren't we all?

     Sleeping on the first floor are countless examples of the enemy's desire to steal, kill, and destroy, but the graciousness and sovereignty of a God who says, "No"... A God who stakes His claim and does not let go.

     No, He doesn't let go. For all of our damage, our pain, our fear, He stakes his claim and calls us His own.

      The blaze of a warrior and the heart of a child... His will for me, for us, for them. How like my God to use those the world the world does not deem worthy to demonstrate His holiness, His power, His goodness, His grace.

     May I always learn from them... my little heroes, my treasures. May I always be in awe. 

Saturday, March 10, 2012

Falling into a Verb

     And this must be what it feels like to fall in love...

     To discover new things about someone every day, treasure every detail, store them somewhere safe in the corners of your heart.

     I hold him close and whisper how much I love him, make bath time an event of splashing and singing, read stories, and whisper dreams in his ear. He lights up at the sight of a car, and he squeals with excitement when being chased.

     His wound... the open wound a surgeon said would require another surgery to close. Once it was full of infection, and really God, a third surgery? But God, my God, healed his wound. It is almost closed, on its own... a miracle only He could have done.

     And I watch him thrive. I watch as his temper emerges, his personality, his goofy run, and his huge grin.

     This must be what it feels like to fall in love....

     I am a small town girl transplanted into a big city where everything is unfamiliar, but little by little, is becoming home.

     I find my staples... my coffee, my sandwich, my burrito, my salad, my macaroon.

     I find myself recognizing turns and corners, walking as if I belong, moving closer to blending, every day discovering something new and wonderful.

     The smell is back... the sulfur, diesel, and random dispersions of chicken. It is a hot summer day and my soul threatens to melt, but this is life now and I learn to stay cool.

     Every day holds something new... a new discovery, a new surprise (man driving down a busy street with an ox and wagon?), a new something that becomes increasingly familiar.

     And this must be what it is to fall in love...

     I write out His character and search through pages to know who He is.

     I see Him... in their faces, on the street corners, and He speaks.

     And sometimes I listen and my soul wants to rebel and be independent, but my heart knows it never will be, and was never meant to be.

      And the more I know Him, the more I need Him with everything inside of me.

      In the midst of the struggle as the foreign moves to familiar, He bends me and stretches me, contorting my spirit into a tool He can use. And it's uncomfortable, intense, awkward, and I am so unsure. But it is also life giving, awe inspiring, humbling, grace flowing, beautiful.

       And it feels like falling in love.