Sunday, May 22, 2011

Ask a simple question... Get an honest answer

   I have a confession to make:
Telling people about going overseas makes me nervous. I would almost rather slip away quietly and then slip back in without anyone knowing I've been away. Why? Because I feel as though I am not very good at explaining things. I can give you the basics of where I will be going, flight details, who I am going with, but often I cannot tell you more. Most of the time, those are the only details I know myself. For example, while I am in India, I will have orientation for a couple of days, and there are three different locations we will be working with (a vocational school, daycare, and Home of Hope for rescued girls)... but I don't have a clue as to my specific tasks.

It never fails... I will be asked one of the following questions while preparing for traveling overseas... which I will now attempt to answer for you now, and these questions make me nervous because I am not sure how to completely share my heart without offending:

*Are you afraid/What are your fears?

Let me let you in on a little secret: Yes. To be honest, one of my biggest struggles in life is fear. In preparing for this trip, I have had to fight the urge to panic and give in to those fears. I would be lying if I told you that I am not afraid. I am afraid of planes. I am afraid of something happening to loved ones while I am away. I am afraid of something happening to me. I am afraid of clowns (not sure how relavent this fear is, but you never know).

I am also afraid of making mistakes, of allowing my own selfishness to take over and missing out on a chance to minister to someone. I am afraid of getting in the way and not being effective. And more than anything, I hate being the foreigner.

I'm also afraid of you. Not that anyone reading this is big and scary, but I am afraid of your reactions. When I write, I am able to express my heart in a way that I cannot do with words. For an intensely private person who hates being vulnerable, this is a painful process. I could just give you small bites of what is going on, but that would be doing you a disservice. If I do not share my heart, then I am not being completely honest. That honesty may offend people, and it may lead to rejection (scary things for a people pleaser). I am also afraid that you just won't get it, and after I write this intensely personal response, you will close your computers and think "That was nice", rather than reflecting on the power of God. But I can't control those reactions. I can't do anything beyond sharing what God has done in my life, and I have to leave the rest to Him. Just please be merciful in your responses and remember that ministry does not equal perfection. I am very human.

*Are you excited?
I love the Geico commercials that always ask such deep and thought provoking questions such as "Does Elmer Fudd have a speech impediment?". If you have ever asked me this question and I have smiled at you while responding, 9 times out of 10 I am fighting the urge to respond with a question such as this.
 That being said, yes I am very excited. I am excited to finally be going to a country I have been dreaming of for 13 years. I am excited to meet new people, try new foods, wear Indian clothing, and be asked a million times "Like Michael Jordan?" after I say my name. I am ready to be stretched, broken, humbled, and to have my mind completely blown.
   I am unsure of what to expect in so many ways. Will the food make me sick? Will they like me? Will they have shoes big enough for my feet? For that reason, I am taking this one day at a time. My emotions are not to the level that I am bouncing around all over the place. Rather, they are resting in quiet expectation. I hope this changes... but it might be a good thing, so we'll see.
*Why go overseas? Aren't there people in America who need Jesus?
This question deserves a post all on its own, which I will do at some point. But for now... He called. God said go and tell them. And I said yes. I don't dream of a life in America. I dream of the Philippines/Cambodia/India/Somalia. Have you ever done something and your heart and soul felt like they were set on fire because you were doing what you were created for? I have. I have seen Jesus in the face of the woman with tuberculosis, the drug addict's bloodshot eyes, and the baby girl with sores on her head. I have been given the gift of eternal life through Jesus Christ. He said to share this with the world... and so I am.

** As a side note....
I would just like to briefly mention a few questions that, although the person asking might mean well, are not helpful to a person preparing to go overseas or the parents of this person:

*Isn't it dangerous?
Yes it is. So is driving a car. Once again, I could let fear control my life, or I could trust God and follow His heart. I am not naiive enough to think there is no danger whatsoever. I watch Law and Order. But it is more dangerous to be disobedient to God than anything man could ever do to me. And besides, my God is bigger.
*You're letting her go over there?
This is an interesting question/statement. My parents have made the amazing sacrifice of trusting God with me. They know God has called me, and they know they cannot tell me to disobey God. I have so many friends whose parents are unsupportive or say no, and my parents have the willingness to say yes. Please do not give them statistics, tell them the latest news reports, or give them weird looks. Just give them hugs and pray with them.
*You're not going to come back with some foreign boy are you?
First of all, the phrasing of that question is just awkward. Second, I am trusting God with every aspect of my life. If the man He has planned for me happens to be in India/Slovenia/Antartica, then so be it. But it's just a weird question, and my purpose in going overseas is not to find a husband.
*You know you're going to be eaten by cannibals don't you?
I presonally have never met a cannibal, but if I ever do, I will be sure to tell them about you. Just kidding...

Those are just a few questions I have been asked. I have friends who have been told their marriage will fail because they are going to be missionaries. I have also had friends who were told they were dillusional, they would never make a difference, and God really can't be asking them to go overseas... Oh, and they would die.

I love questions, and I love advice. But if your questions are not going to build someone up and encourage them in their walk with God, then please leave them unasked. Often times, we limit what God can do in our lives because we let our questions become bigger than our God, or we take our answers to others rather than to the One who has the answers.

I hope this post has not been offensive to anyone, but once again, I am sharing my heart with you. Feel free to ask anything, and I will do my best to respond in a non Geico-like manner :)

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