Lessons Learned the Hard Way

I'm not very good at being sick, or injured, or even with a stuffy nose for that matter.

The doctor calls it an abcess. I call it annoying. My mom calls it "another item to add to my list of worries about you going overseas".

Whatever it's called, this wound on my leg makes me angry. It required a doctor's visit and minor surgery, lots of medication, and gauze... lots of gauze.

I didn't want to mention this because I don't want it to seem like I am complaining. But I'm just angry.

I'm angry this thing showed up in the first place.

I'm angry because it won't go away.

I'm angry that I can get care, when other people I know can't.

I'm angry that I can't control this and I have to depend on other people.

But being angry doesn't change anything. It doesn't wipe away the guilt that I feel because people are making a fuss over me. For every hurt that I might be facing, I can give you atleast fifty people who's lives are worse than mine. And when I think of them as I take my medicine, I feel guilty. And then I get angry.

However, I don't want this to be a wasted experience. I told mom today that I think God is making me more compassionate. My bedside manner will certainly be much better now. And I think He likes to give me scars to keep me humble.

Unfortunately, this is just something I might have to face for the rest of my life. My skin is just really prone to weird stuff. It may be my "thorn" that I must suffer through and always be ready to combat.

Sin is kind of like an abcess (leave it to the English major to find the metaphor, or maybe in this case simile... whatever). I can ignore it for a while. Carry on with life as usual, stick a band aid on it, and take a few pain killers, hoping it will just go away on its own.

But it doesn't, and it won't. Instead, untreated sin festers and infects, and it wounds. And it leaves deep scars. Like the scars of unforgiveness I've been carrying around with me. Like my stupid pride that refuses to let people in.

Some sins can't just be treated with a band aid and neosporin. They require being cut and drained. And it hurts, because God never said healing was easy and painless. And sometimes it takes forever for the wound to heal and the scars to form.

Yet, as sin increases, so does grace. As I allow the wounds to be healed, the grace increases. Scars are left to remind me to be more compassionate, humble, slower to anger. The infection leaves as He continues to apply His balm. And all things are made new.