Much-Afraid fell to her knees on the hilltop, bowed her head, and worshiped. It seemed to her in that moment that all the pain and postponement, all the sorrows and trials of the long journey she had made, were nothing compared to the glory which shone before her... Hinds Feet in High Places
This time last year, I was in school, working on my thesis, trying to balance an education with discipleship, work, and extracurriculars. My Valentine's evening was spent with friends watching Audrey Hepburn movies and eating peanut butter M&M's (which if anyone would like to send me some, please feel free because I cannot for the life of me find them here).
The past few years, Valentine's Day has been spent with friends, and then ended by an annual self analysis of why I am "alone".
This year, by the grace of God, was different. I woke up at 4:30am because the dear little one in the crib beside my bed thought that would be a great time to wake up. But, to be honest, I didn't mind. I then dressed her in the cutest Valentine's Day outfit and was able to spend the morning with her until I took my favorite two year old little boy to the doctor.... where we spent the next seven hours.
I keep staring at the clock, my mind wandering and wanting to go home. I am angry at the doctors who make me wait. I am angry because I have things to do. I am tired and my little boy is tired. The other parents and I look at each other with those exhausted smiles... and inwardly, I breathe a sigh of relief that my baby's problems are fixable as I am surrounded by those who are not.
Finally, we come home, and i soon as I set foot in the door, I am greeted by my little ones... smiles, hugs, kisses.
I am tired... exhausted really, and a little sick. But this has been the best Valentine's Day ever.
Because it wasn't about me. I never received flowers, a card, candy, or jewelry. I didn't watch any romantic (or violent) movies. I was even too exhausted to do my traditional self analysis.
And it didn't matter...
Because my new little brother is experiencing genuine love and compassion for the first time, and he is thriving.
Because I am watching the incredible faith of a dying man and his family who are believing in a big God and so very grateful for the present.
Because, as I write this, a sweet baby girl is united with a mommy and daddy who have been waiting anxiously for this day... the day they become a family.
Because I sent a day with my favorite little boy, and it was beautiful.
Because my sweet baby girl is healing... slowly, yet surely, she is healing.
For some reason, the God of the universe loved me enough to seek me in my brokenness, restore me, bring my cold heart to life, and gave me the chance to be here. As tired or frustrated as I may be, I can say with certainty that my God is strong, loving, and good.
Today was a gift... a beautiful and perfect gift.
I am loved. I made the choice today to love. I love because He first showed me what love really means.
This time last year, I was in school, working on my thesis, trying to balance an education with discipleship, work, and extracurriculars. My Valentine's evening was spent with friends watching Audrey Hepburn movies and eating peanut butter M&M's (which if anyone would like to send me some, please feel free because I cannot for the life of me find them here).
The past few years, Valentine's Day has been spent with friends, and then ended by an annual self analysis of why I am "alone".
This year, by the grace of God, was different. I woke up at 4:30am because the dear little one in the crib beside my bed thought that would be a great time to wake up. But, to be honest, I didn't mind. I then dressed her in the cutest Valentine's Day outfit and was able to spend the morning with her until I took my favorite two year old little boy to the doctor.... where we spent the next seven hours.
I keep staring at the clock, my mind wandering and wanting to go home. I am angry at the doctors who make me wait. I am angry because I have things to do. I am tired and my little boy is tired. The other parents and I look at each other with those exhausted smiles... and inwardly, I breathe a sigh of relief that my baby's problems are fixable as I am surrounded by those who are not.
Finally, we come home, and i soon as I set foot in the door, I am greeted by my little ones... smiles, hugs, kisses.
I am tired... exhausted really, and a little sick. But this has been the best Valentine's Day ever.
Because it wasn't about me. I never received flowers, a card, candy, or jewelry. I didn't watch any romantic (or violent) movies. I was even too exhausted to do my traditional self analysis.
And it didn't matter...
Because my new little brother is experiencing genuine love and compassion for the first time, and he is thriving.
Because I am watching the incredible faith of a dying man and his family who are believing in a big God and so very grateful for the present.
Because, as I write this, a sweet baby girl is united with a mommy and daddy who have been waiting anxiously for this day... the day they become a family.
Because I sent a day with my favorite little boy, and it was beautiful.
Because my sweet baby girl is healing... slowly, yet surely, she is healing.
For some reason, the God of the universe loved me enough to seek me in my brokenness, restore me, bring my cold heart to life, and gave me the chance to be here. As tired or frustrated as I may be, I can say with certainty that my God is strong, loving, and good.
Today was a gift... a beautiful and perfect gift.
I am loved. I made the choice today to love. I love because He first showed me what love really means.
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