I love this...
Waking up at 4am, the fights over nap time, eating, bath time, not being able to do certain things I once could do alone... all because of a certain little someone.
She is work. A lot of work. And due to her background and current problems that are not easily fixed, she will continue to be a lot of work.
But that's ok.
I went to bed last night genuinely excited because I would be able to hold her in a few hours when she wakes up the next (and hopefully not sooner) morning. I stare at her face and memorize her features. In just a few days, I know that she loves juice and fruit, and especially yogurt. She fusses at bath time, but loves when I pour the water over her head. She is afraid, and so she must learn to try new things. There is life inside of her... I know it.
I call her a name that means "beautiful" because that is what He spoke to my heart. "Speak beauty over her". Beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit... beauty of tenderness, kindness, a grace that reveals the glory of God. The beauty of restoration, wholeness, life.
Someday I will tell you the story of how God has been preparing my heart for her. but for now, just know that the creator of the universe is that kind, that good, that He will prepare us before He bestows His gifts.
And this love is not a feeling. Sure, I get warm fuzzes and feel excited when i see her, but after three hours of crying, those feelings fade. i choose to love her. He gave her to me, for however long He allows, but I can choose to say yes or no.
And I chose yes.
Waking up at 4am, the fights over nap time, eating, bath time, not being able to do certain things I once could do alone... all because of a certain little someone.
She is work. A lot of work. And due to her background and current problems that are not easily fixed, she will continue to be a lot of work.
But that's ok.
I went to bed last night genuinely excited because I would be able to hold her in a few hours when she wakes up the next (and hopefully not sooner) morning. I stare at her face and memorize her features. In just a few days, I know that she loves juice and fruit, and especially yogurt. She fusses at bath time, but loves when I pour the water over her head. She is afraid, and so she must learn to try new things. There is life inside of her... I know it.
I call her a name that means "beautiful" because that is what He spoke to my heart. "Speak beauty over her". Beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit... beauty of tenderness, kindness, a grace that reveals the glory of God. The beauty of restoration, wholeness, life.
Someday I will tell you the story of how God has been preparing my heart for her. but for now, just know that the creator of the universe is that kind, that good, that He will prepare us before He bestows His gifts.
And this love is not a feeling. Sure, I get warm fuzzes and feel excited when i see her, but after three hours of crying, those feelings fade. i choose to love her. He gave her to me, for however long He allows, but I can choose to say yes or no.
And I chose yes.
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