He doesn't know he's an orphan.
All he knows are the walls surrounding him. He was born inside these walls, has spent his life here.
He doesn't know she couldn't keep him. I believe in my heart she wanted to, but she had no options. She had offers... offers to send him elsewhere. But in the end, she kept him where he would be safe, loved.
He doesn't know his mother is gone. Or maybe, he does. Could one so young really understand? Or maybe there is just an awareness of something missing. We often like to think little ones are oblivious, but they know... deep down, they know.
He knows that when he is hungry, he is fed. When he is dirty, he is bathed. When he needs to sleep, there is a place for him to rest. But he doesn't now this isn't forever.
He doesn't know that I miss him, that sometimes, like now, it physically hurts because I can't hold him.
There are milestones missed... the crawling, babbling, first words, and first steps.
He doesn't know that I pray, consistently, for him... that he is held, protected, healing, loved.
He doesn't know I wait anxiously, dreaming of the day when I can finally be with him again to hold and snuggle. But it still hurts because he won't know me anymore. The trust I worked so hard to build will be gone, because I left.
There are things I have to give to God, trusting that He is bigger. For some reason, this little one was placed in my life... for a season, forever, I don't know. But I will pray and I will fight on his behalf until God says otherwise.
All he knows are the walls surrounding him. He was born inside these walls, has spent his life here.
He doesn't know she couldn't keep him. I believe in my heart she wanted to, but she had no options. She had offers... offers to send him elsewhere. But in the end, she kept him where he would be safe, loved.
He doesn't know his mother is gone. Or maybe, he does. Could one so young really understand? Or maybe there is just an awareness of something missing. We often like to think little ones are oblivious, but they know... deep down, they know.
He knows that when he is hungry, he is fed. When he is dirty, he is bathed. When he needs to sleep, there is a place for him to rest. But he doesn't now this isn't forever.
He doesn't know that I miss him, that sometimes, like now, it physically hurts because I can't hold him.
There are milestones missed... the crawling, babbling, first words, and first steps.
He doesn't know that I pray, consistently, for him... that he is held, protected, healing, loved.
He doesn't know I wait anxiously, dreaming of the day when I can finally be with him again to hold and snuggle. But it still hurts because he won't know me anymore. The trust I worked so hard to build will be gone, because I left.
There are things I have to give to God, trusting that He is bigger. For some reason, this little one was placed in my life... for a season, forever, I don't know. But I will pray and I will fight on his behalf until God says otherwise.
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