One Year...

     One year.

     It's funny how one year can change everything. Your relationships, your perspective on life, your dreams, your view of God, your music tastes, and your taste buds.

     One year ago this week (I'm having a hard time remembering the exact day) I said good bye. I said good bye to my family, my friends, my couch, my late afternoon walks and Saturday morning college football. I said good bye to the income I was earning, the life I was living.

     And I came here.

     I don't actually remember much from a year ago in terms of what I dreamed of or expected would happen. It has been such a huge adjustment and I have had to learn some very hard lessons along the way.

     I have learned that I don't have all the answers. Most of the time, I am left standing with my mouth gaping open and my hands down by my sides at a loss as to what to do.

      I have learned that God doesn't really need me... He still does miracles and He restores whether I am there or not... but He lets me be a part of the process. He allows me the joy of watching the miracle unfold, and even though I am very much broken myself, He lets me participate in the restoration process.

      I am learning how to survive, and not just survive but thrive, in a culture that can drive me absolutely bonkers at some moments, but I love with all my heart.

      And I am still learning...

      I am still learning to trust and obey.

      I am still learning to listen for His voice.

      I am still learning that He loves me in spite of me.

      I am still learning that He is faithful. '

      And I am still learning to say good bye... to my plans, to the people who come and go, the little ones who go home to forever families and the ones who go home to Jesus.

       And I am still learning to let myself grieve... when I miss something important back home like a wedding, a basketball game, a family dinner. When life gets really hard and I can't seem to stop failing. When the problems are overwhelming. I have to learn to let myself grieve.

       This year is going to be different. I am no longer the the new kid. I have changed... my life perspective, my world perspective. The things that used to matter don't really matter much anymore.

       And this year, may the cry of my heart be less of me and more of You, Jesus.